Positive Relationship

HKU SPACE Community College Today’s agenda: ? After this class, you are expected to know : I. The features of a healthy relationship II. How to initiate interactions III. How to enrich a relationship How can you apply any one of the elements to improve relationships in your life? There are questions for your self-reflection! 2 I. Features of healthy relationship 1. Genuineness (Rogers, 1980) ? Revealing your true self and striving to be honest. ? More than absence of lying; openness and authenticity are significant facets. 3 I. Features of healthy relationship 2. Unconditional positive regard (Rogers, 1980) ?Warm acceptance of each other’s personhood. ? Positive responses not because of any conditions or reasons. ? , ? ? ? ? ? ? , ? ? ? ? ? I would love you most if you become the best among your classmates. 4 I. Features of healthy relationship 3. Empathy (Rogers, 1980) ? Ability to experience others’ perspectives, feelings, ideas and emotions. ? Feel what the o thers feel, being able to â€Å"put yourself into others’ place†. 5 I. Features of healthy relationship 4. Enjoyments of joy and â€Å"up†. ? Feeling of energized. ? Feeling better emotionally after meeting each other. ? Feeling 6 I. Features of healthy relationship . Self-disclosure ? As people reveal more of the hidden selves, a powerful basis for trust and understanding can be formed. 7 I. Features of healthy relationship 6. Dependability ? Can rely on each other. ? The feeling that you can count on the other to treat you fairly, and this is reciprocated. 8 ? Codependency ? ? ? Codependency is NOT one of the features of healthy relationship. Harmful to the parties involved in the relationships. Codependents feel compelled to help others. They are (excessively) responsive to the needs of the world to the exclusion of their own needs. ?Do you always try to please or help others to an extent that you may hurt yourself and others? 9 I. Features of healthy relatio nship 7. High self-esteem ? ? Enable one to reach out positively to others. I am ok, you are ok. 10 Self-reflection! ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Can you often show your true self to others? Do you like a person just because s/he does you good favors? Can you often empathize with others? Can you often disclose yourself to others with ease? Do you often find lots of fun when interacting with others? Do you have someone whom you can depend on in your life, if not, any possible reasons?Do you think that â€Å"I am ok, others are ok too†? 11 II. Initiating Interactions 1. 2. 3. 4. Managing first impression Tolerance, Acceptance and Appreciation Overcoming shyness Approaching people 12 1. Managing first impressions ? You have only one chance to leave a first impression to other people. On the other hand†¦. ? Be open to your first impression on others. ? Allow time and involvement to verify your first impression. 13 2. From Tolerance, Acceptance to Appreciation ? Tolerance of people who are different is a worthy, basic goal of interpersonal relations. Social Categorization (For instance, French) ?Stereotyping (Stereotypic labels towards French, such as romantic, stylish, dirty) ? Prejudice (negative attitudes towards French) ? Discrimination (unfair treatment towards French) 14 ? 3. Overcoming shyness ? ? Move beyond passiveness and inaction Start with small behavioral changes ? Sincere smile to your classmates ? Say â€Å"hi† or â€Å"good morning†to classmates 15 4. Approaching people ? ? Looking for approachability cues. ? Approach someone when he/she is in a hurry, involved in other issues? ? Or when they are waiting for a class to start, sit alone and looked open? Checking for approachability. Can I talk to you for 5 mins? ? Are you busy right now? 16 Self-reflection! ? ? ? ? Do you judge a person immediately based on the first impressions? Do you often prejudice people based on their social categories? Do you often disturb others because you never c heck for approachability? Do you often find it hard to converse with others? 17 III. How to enrich a relationship 1. Realistic expectation of relationships ? No one is perfect, neither are relationships ? I expect I would always be happy in the relationship. 18 2. Sensitivity ? Having an awareness about the perceptions and perspectives of others ?You sense that your friend is a bit unusual today, hence offers concerns and/help. 3. Appreciation ? Do you often deliver sincere compliments to people around you? 19 4. Little act of kindness ? ? ? Not time-consuming favors but brings significant joy Induce a helping and caring atmosphere The effects usually have been overlooked Demonstrate a little act of kindness to the person next to you NOW. 20 5. Assertiveness ? Maintain one’s legitimate rights and expressing thoughts and feelings in nonthreatening ways. Decline other’s requests assertively without feeling guilty ? ? I can’t help you this time, I need to finish so me other important things. † 21 6. Negotiation skills ? Conflicts is NOT a matter of right or wrong but is only caused by difference in opinions. Five Styles of managing conflict (Putnam, 1990; Thomas, 1988, cited in Weiten & Lloyd, 2000) ? 22 ? (1) Avoidance ? ? low concern for self and other People who prefer this style believe that ignoring a problem will make it go away Low concern for self, high concern for others Accommodator feels uncomfortable with conflict High concern for self, low concern for others Competitors possibly turn conflict into a win-lose situation ? (2) Accommodation ? ? (3) Competition ? ? 23 ? (4) Compromise ? ? Moderate concern for self and others Compromisers may give up something so both can have partial satisfaction. High concern for self and others Involves a sincere effort to find a solution that will maximize the satisfaction to both parties Conflict is viewed as a mutual problem to be solved as effectively as possible 24 ? (5) Collaboration ? ? ? 7. Supportiveness What is the most supportive utterance or gesture you have ever met? Empathy is important ? Verbal communication ? â€Å"Cry if it makes you feel better. I will be there for you. † ? ? Nonverbal ? a hug or a touch at shouldersJust â€Å"borrow your ears† patiently ? Empowering the person â€Å"I know you have been strong and tough. I believe that you can pass through the hard time. † 25 8. Dealing with difficult people If one of your group members doesn’t show much effort on the group project (e. g. , often late for the project meetings, submit work late), how can you deal with him/her? 26 Being assertive! ? Being patient, giving people more than one chance, and being empathic! ? Change your reality: just being she was short-tempered doesn’t mean it’s going to ruin my day! ? 27 Self-reflection! ? ? ? Can you express yourself truly while respecting other persons’ rights?Do you know how to resolve conflicts with othe rs successfully? Do you often show support to others when they are in need? 28 Work on your relationships with the knowledge. It’s only YOU who can bring about the betterments. 29 References Hanna, S. L. , Suggett, R. , & Radtke, D. (2007). Person to person: Positive relationships don’t just happen (5th ed. ). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall. Rogers, C. (1980). A way of being. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin. Weiten, W. , & Lloyd, M. A. (2000). Psychology applied to modern life: Adjustment at the turn of the century (6th ed). Stamford, CT: Wadsworth. 30